I fell to the ground
on my knees
Crossed my arms
under my chest
Tightly pressing against the stomach
as if to
force something out of my body

I was trembling beyond control
swinging vigorously back and forth

My body refusing to take in
any breaths
as if
to avenge
by denying
the one who
had been denied

The world stood still- one moment
Swirled liked a tornado- the other

My body contracted into shivers
and broke out into sweat

Words had been forgotten
as if
they never were learned

The storm-filled, bloody eyes-
darted around pointlessly
before freezing into stillness
for a moment that seemed like eternity.

Restlessness gave way to rage
and
I began to hammer the floor with my fists
The floor was incapable of sensation
and
I had lost the capacity to feel bodily pain
but
there still was something
Something that had emerged from deep within me
and
shattered every possible inch of my body
but
kept the pieces together, physically

I could feel the throbbing in every cell of my body
yet
I could not feel my body at all

Time for me had vapourized into nothingness

After what seemed like who-knows-what
I held my body together: tight
sat still and
with all the strength
I could imagine my being to have
I fired out of my throat
a very small part of my agony
as a loud and shrill cry

The icy dam in my eyes collapsed
and
the salty water found its salvation
on my burning cheeks
Nothing changed.

The one who had left was never coming back.

I want to tell a tale
but
whenever I put my pen down
to begin
I invariably fail;

I want to paint a picture
that's fair
but
I end up drawing shapes
with no care;

I want to sing a song
that sings
but
people tell me my voice stings;

I want to dance,
dance like I make the wind groove
but
for that
I must learn how to move;

I want to be an orator,
one who churns up passion
but
I stammer as I approach the crowds,
I stammer at their very mention;

I want to be an explorer and
discover brand new worlds
but
My heart begins to race when
I don't know what
the very next turn holds;

I want to be a healer and
wish the sufferings away
but
the sight of pain
makes my legs give way;

No, I want to be myself-
I am perfectly deigned to be that
with no preset fears or notions
swaying with
life's exhilarating motions..

A thousand storms crash against each other-
when I lay my eyes on you
The joys of all four seasons come together-
when I lay my eyes on you
Time shrinks down to that one moment-
when I lay my eyes on you
My feet take me in that one direction-
when I lay my eyes on you
Silence sounds more musical than music-
when I lay my eyes on you
My thoughts knit wonder tales and
My words betray me-
when I lay my eyes on you

I know it's you;
I know it's you
when I lay my eyes on YOU.

When the clouds gather in the mighty sky and
when the breeze brings to me
a muddy scent;

When a bright warm sun greets me in the morning
and
when the midday heat soaks me up;

When I walk down my way home in the eve
and
when a dusky sky points the way;

When my tired body lays flat
and
when I shut my eyes
thinking of the next day.

I know I am alive.

When one journey ends and
a million other beckon you,
what are you going to pick?
Who are you going to be?

When you take a new turn and
an empty sign faces you,
which path are you going to take?
Who are you going to be?

When one dream fades away,
what are you going to fight for?
Who are you going to be?

When friends leave you behind,
who are you going to count on?
Who are you going to be?

When the days are murky and
the sun has lost its way,
what will you hang onto?
Who will you be?

When your heart is split open,
who will help you heal?
Who will he be?

Like a thirsty soul,
lost in a ruthless stretch
of desert,
plagued with
stinging mirages,
I never stop looking,
I never stop hoping.
I hold onto the thing that
keeps me alive:
Life.
Dancing to the rhythm that
spells life,
I lost some, I gained some, and
I kept some.
Brave the wilderness, I will
Never wither, I will.

Play, I Must!

So, I am frequently told that
the world's a stage and we
are mere actors, playing out
the scripted parts
allotted to us.
As actors with scripted roles,
we at least have the freedom
to emote the way, unique to us,
thus imparting our own touch to
the character we play.
The two questions that I am
always faced with-
Who are the audience?
And, who are we-?
Are we the characters we enact?
 Or are we the actors behind the people
we portray?
I still do not have answers to my
questions but
regardless of that,
I often find myself striving to please
an audience, I am not even sure exists;
I often get so carried away,
playing the role that I believe is
mine to act out that I
forget about my original self,
but then again, did I ever know who
I was?
Am I just the character living out
my life in the length of the drama that
I found myself to be a part of, or
Am I the actor who has the freedom
to be different people?
The character that I play is trapped
in the situation that his life is.
The actor within must work to
please whoever he believes his
audience is
Is the one better than the other?
Do they both exist like the two
opposing poles of a magnet,
brought together by
the strength if nature?
Or like some would have us believe,
neither exists?

A Strange Thing Called Desire

Tired of the yellow, I longed for the gray
That night, with the desire wide awake in my heart,
after arduous conscious efforts,
I slipped into unconsciousness
With the outer world still and actionless,
the spirits of the unconscious took over.
In the garden of my heart,
with seeds of deep desires already sown,
the spirits did all to tend to the tender lives but
mind you, desires grow like nothing else ever does
As an answer to the tending, the seeds threw open
and the emerging shoots gripped all of my body
with the strength and pace of light
I trembled within, not with the pain though,
It was something else-
Something all have experienced and
Something none could explain.
I was no different;
I felt happiness and pain intertwined,
the feeling so immense and so alive
that it forced my eyes wide open.
All was quiet- within
Outside, I was faced with a noise
I had longed for and loved more than
the inner peace
There was pleasant pelting of
pure droplets on the thirsty land
Looking at the dry earth, slowly
soaking in the wetness and
emanating the charming, muddy flavour
that it always does after the first rain,
My desires were quenched, in every way I desired.   

The Babel Lot; Or Are They?

They are like a million wild flowers,
breaking out of nothingness-
I never planted the seeds for any;
They are all over my garden.
They look pretty and
give my garden an enthralling,
purple-yellow hue
But the daze of the beauty aside,
I don't know them, any of them;
I don't know what they might do to-
My beloved garden,
to all the ones I did plant, with my own hands;
The ones I watered and looked after and
watched grow.
Are the wild ones worth keeping just for their
supposed beauty?
Will they be good to my own?
Will they get along or
will they just spread across, all over,
murdering the ones I love so deeply,
appealing to the eyes or not, who cares?
They appeal to my being, my soul and my view;
I love them as dearly as the priciest emotion possible.
What if the wild ones don't actually mean any harm?
Will I ever know?
Do I even want to know?
Who knows?

Together you make my world

Brushed, washed, clothed, fed and on my way to work-
Just another day
I happen to look around
My eyes rest on a cherubic vision, the most pleasant;
I catch the little face smiling
and all of a sudden, the sunshine hits me
and it's a bright day
and yet it was one little smile.

Directionless, tired, beaten and blue,
Life is rough when your future is fogged
You must move ahead but
there are a million paths to take
Overwhelmed you shut your eyes
and pray for direction
and then all of a sudden
there is warmth around you-
the cold chilly wind of uncertainty gives way
to a light, warm breeze of hope-
you open your eyes and see yourself standing
in the arms of one who loves and understands you
and yet it was one little hug.

We are walking along the road-
one on each side
The narrow stretch of the dusty road separates us
I was lost in my thoughts when his presence shook me
out of the flight of fantasy
It had not been one of my best days
and I wasn't willing to indulge
He had yellow-brown eyes, the gaze of which would not leave me
He had a calm on his face that made me stop
and then he started moving towards me,
Somehow I invited the idea and waited for him to reach over
He came to me, with his tail wagging frantically, for what joy, I could not say
but it changed the way my day had been
and yet it was one little gesture.

Sometimes distance and peace is all you need
sitting on the shore, this is what I think
I can see the bright day
ready to handover to a colourful evening
for its shift is almost over
I sit there, playing with the sand,
scribbling random thoughts and erasing them
Insanity and meaninglessness have their own meaning
and then as I look up
I see the world changing-
the bright blue above me changes to orange,
then a deep red, then a purple and
slowly, the mighty black takes over
Those few moments of transition made me grateful
for the gift of life
and yet it was one little dusk.

It  has been nine months now
and the day is finally here
I feel as distant from my own self
as I have never before
It's the blend of emptiness and euphoria that precedes a crescendo- a climax
I want it to happen for I have waited
and in the same vein, I want it to be over
I am not the one talking-
the pain and the ecstasy have taken over
Amidst all these streams of deep emotions,
It happens,
It's there- right in front of my eyes
It's like the centre of my world, lying right in front of my eyes-
It's the most beautiful creation I have ever laid my eyes on-
It's my child,
and yet it's one little creature.